Who would have known polyamorous dating is almost exactly the same as average dating. It's fun, It's exciting, It's nerve racking and you're going to say a lot of dumb stuff at the wrong moments to complete strangers. Woot! its almost exactly the same as monogamous dating (sarcasm). Not having done my research into polyamory or polyamorous dating, I learned a lot in a few days after a polyamory get together. I said some really dumb things and it was obvious to the group that I did not realize the implications of what I was saying. I learned this by their later responses to my comments, which I took to heart and to be very helpful. Without knowing enough about what I was asking or saying I made a room full of open-minded, forgiving people feel uncomfortable and turned off. Just what I never wanted to do! I did it because I didn't do my research and I am an Idiot sometime.
If I could give any advice to someone just getting into polyamorous dating, it would be this, Do your research! That way you don't make yourself look like an ass or make others feel uncomfortable. Once you have done that, the dating part should go a lot easier for you. I unfortunately found this out the hard way and did my best to make amends with the people that were there and learned a lot after the fact, the hard way. I may have already stained my persona with my new group of friends, but they seem very forgiving, so I hope the stains can be washed away with time.
What I did learn form this experience is that polyamorous dating is almost the same as monogamous dating. In the fact that you are perusing the one person and not the couple or the group, but that's not to say that dating the couple or multiple members of a group is out of the question, it's just for a later discussion. Polyamory is not free-for-all or buffet dating as I learned, it is about your connection with that one other person or persons your interested in. After that connection is made then during of after that connection you can look for other partners if the first connection is not enough or you're not satisfied with just one partner or happen to find someone else by chance. However if you are interested in multiple people at the same time remember that taking it one at a time is much easier. Otherwise you are going to have to deal with more issues and complications. Remember theses are just my observations and reasoning I don't believe there're
any set rules for dating, just simple principles to live by. Live by them, Learn by them and don't be afraid to change them.
One thing I would consider is that if you think of dating as finding a person, and if they are not enough or not "satisfying", you are not thinking about them as people. The reason I am non-monogamous is not that I am dissatisfied with anyone. It is not that Ginny is not enough. It is that I am very attracted to, resprect, and am in love with Gina. Its that if I find myself interested in another person, there is no good reason to follow the social norm of monogamy.
ReplyDeleteIn general, it is a lot like "regular" dating, it's just that the end goal is not to settle with one person OR the other, but to end up with the people you care about openly, honestly, and with the intention of making each relationship you enter as healthy and rewarding (for everyone) as possible.
Good points I can't disagree. I may not have said it the way I was trying to say it. My main point is that for what ever the reason you may not have enough form your main partner or feel the need or want to peruse another that it's OK to do so.
ReplyDeleteHere is a great beginner's guide to nonmonogamy that I just stumbled upon.
ReplyDeletehttp://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/nonmonogamy-for-men-the-big-picture/
Cool,Thanks Wes, I'll check it out.
ReplyDelete